


Deserving

by AllTheLittleMoments



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Needs Love, Dean is his usual self and thinks he doesn't deserve anything good, F/M, Fluff, Making pie, Nightmares, Talking, and the Reader wants him to understand, but he does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheLittleMoments/pseuds/AllTheLittleMoments
Summary: Basically what it says in the tagsReader and Dean are best friends and he talks with her about everything but thinks he doesn't deserve her. She wants to convince him otherwise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Dean needs some love y'all  
> So I made this
> 
> Read for lots of Dean feels

The halls of the bunker were dark but you knew your way through them even in the haze of sleep. It had been a long day. A very long day. Sam, Dean and you had gotten back from a rather good hunt this morning, but it had still been tiring. And of course, Sam wasn't in for a rest and started researching right after he stepped foot into the library, already looking for the next case. You had tried to get at least a few hours of sleep but the constant thought of Sam bursting into the room, making you get up for another vampire or shapeshifter or ghoul or whatever hunt was bugging you and keeping you awake. Now it was night, you didn't know what time and you didn't really care. But you knew that Dean and Sam were sleeping soundly in their comfortable beds and that meant it was probably pretty late. Needless to say, you couldn't sleep. No matter how much you tried and how sleepier you got, it just wouldn't come. So you did what you always did when there was no way out of a wake night. You wandered around the bunker, checking for any unusual noises or unseen shadows on the walls. It wasn't for your own safety, it wasn't to calm yourself down because you were scared that there could be something, always ready to attack without anyone noticing. No, you did this to make sure that your boys were safe at night.

Yeah, yeah... 'your boys' sounds a little weird coming from a woman that was just slightly older than Sam and around three years younger than Dean but who could blame you? They could sometimes act like little five-year-old kiddos, making you feel like a single mother in despair. But you loved them, through thick and thin. Nothing would or could ever change that. You smiled slightly at that thought.

Suddenly, there was a yell coming from the other end of the hall. Your eyebrows furrowed, crinkles starting to show on your forehead. What was that? You turned, seeing the door of Sam's room that was right across from you still closed. So he hadn't heard it. You reached for the gun in your back pocket, taking it out and raising it up. Carefully, looking around every corner, you tiptoed through the halls. Another yell was heard and now you knew who it was. Panic flooded through you like a lightning bolt and you started running towards Deans room, suddenly incautious about anything around you. You neared his door but there were no further screams interrupting the silence. You pressed your ear to the old wood, checking for any signs of what was going on in there. All you heard were whimpers coming from the man you knew so well but that was enough for you to open the door, point your gun and get your flashlight out. The light of it traveled around the room, only letting you see small parts at once. You let your weapon drop to your side when your eyes caught sight him.

Dean was turning on his bed, completely restless, whines and whimpers leaving his mouth. You've never heard such broken sounds coming from this hunter. He had nightmares many times when you were on hunts and you had to witness them more often than you'd want to admit... but he'd never sounded so broken. You felt tears flooding your vision just at the sound of it. Silent slurred 'no’s’ and 'stop’s’ were heard and you gulped. Dean and his nightmares were something you feared because it was so difficult to wake him up from them. And when you finally managed to do so you'd either receive a punch in the face or he'd give you the silent treatment if you tried talking to him about it. So there were two options now... You could try waking him up, having to deal with the consequences or you could just leave it like this, hoping they'd stop any time soon. But your eyes traveled to the strong grip his hands had on the sheets and the painful expression on his face. You couldn't just leave him in this misery.

Your feet walked you towards his bed and you gently sat down on it. "Dean?" you asked, not bothering to keep your voice low, knowing he wouldn't wake up by it anyway. He didn't respond, making you sigh. You carefully placed your hand on his shoulder, shaking it. He only groaned more, a sob escaping his mouth. Your eyes began to burn and you closed them to stop the tears from coming. His breath was quick and another loud "No!" fell from his lips. You jumped slightly, not expecting him to get so loud again. "Dammit, Dean! Wake up!" you shook him a little harder, kneeling down next to his bed. Nothing... You let out a frustrated sigh and placed your hand back on his shoulder, the other finding its way into his hair. You always did this when the two of you hugged. It was always a calming move for both of you. You gently combed through his hair, whispering soothing things even though you knew he wasn't hearing you. "You're fine. You're just dreaming, you know? Sammy, Cas and I are alive and healthy and safe and you are, too. We're all ok. You can wake up, Dean. Everything's just fine. I made sure of that. Nothing's in the bunker and everyone's safe." You did this for some minutes until you noticed his head wasn't turning anymore. You frowned, taking your hands away from his hair and shoulder but he whined, reaching out towards you. A surprised breath escaped you. "Dean?" he didn't answer but his chest was now rising and falling steadily. You smiled, placing your hand on his cheek. In a blink of an eye there was a gun in front of your face.

 

"Y/N?" his voice was shaky, unbelieving.

 

"Hey..." you calmly answered despite the fact there was a gun in your face. You knew he wouldn't hurt you. "Could you maybe... stop pointing that at me?" you chuckled, trying to make him crack a smile. He didn't. He just stared for a while, face in shock. Your gaze softened and you carefully raised your hand, using it to lower the gun down on the mattress. You smiled and got up, walking around to the other side of the bed and got in. There were crinkles on his forehead, silently asking what you were planning. You laid your head down on the pillow, patting the space next to you for him to do the same. He did and took a deep breath, his eyes closed, after you placed your hand on his cheek. "I'm right here." you whispered.

 

"Y/N..."

 

"Shhh." your hands wrapped around his body, inviting him to cuddle into you. You found him hesitating but it wasn't long until his head was buried into your neck. While your fingers softly carded through his hair, words left your lips. "We're home. We're safe. I've got you, Dean. Always." He kept quiet, just letting your words sink in and enjoying the circles you traced into his skin. The two of you weren't often this intimate but you knew when the other needed comfort and didn't shy away from spending a night together. For you, those were the nights that made you fall for him more and more. In the public eye, Dean always acted as if there was nothing wrong, as if all that crap he's had to deal with wouldn't bother him at all. At nights like this he showed you how this strong and cheeky hunter really felt. Sometimes he would just hold onto you, sometimes he'd talk to you about the things that made him worry. And sometimes, even though this only happened rarely, tears would start to fall down his cheek and you would let him cry into your chest. You never really talked about it again but you didn't have to, really. You were just glad that he was coming to you with those things.

 

"I know." he suddenly whispered, shaking you out of your thoughts.

 

"What?" he raised his head and looked at you.

 

"I know you're always there. And I know that I don't say this often enough... but thank you."

 

"Dean, this isn't..."

 

"No, listen to me." his voice came out soft, nearly pleading. Your mouth opened but he stopped you. "Please." your eyebrows furrowed. He'd never used that word towards you, rarely ever said it to Sam. So you nodded and shut up. "You know... there've... there've been a lot of times in this crappy life where I was ready to give up. I was ready to lay down and just watch it all end. Hell, I think even Sammy was done for it... But you... you were always so optimistic, so carefree. You saw a chance in everything, giving up was never an option. There were days where I woke up and I felt like crap. And I thought... 'Today is the day I'm gonna say goodbye to this stupid world'. So I got up, wanting to leave so badly. But... that thought flew right out of the window the minute I laid eyes on your soft good morning smile. I don't know where I'd be without you. I don't know what I'd be if you didn't keep me on track..." there were tears swimming in your eyes. His own were looking anywhere but you. "I just want you to know that I can't do this without you Y/N..." he finally met your gaze and you smiled at him, letting a tear roll down your cheek.

 

"You won't have to. Not ever, you understand?" you saw him clench his jaw like he always did when he was trying to hold back his emotions. He nodded. "Good." you whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Strong arms wrapped you into a warm and safe embrace and he let you tangle your legs around his. You placed your head on his chest. His words kept replaying in your head. He was still here because of you. He kept fighting every day for you. A warmth spread through your body and you sighed, feeling him tighten his grip around you. It wasn't long until you were on the verge of falling asleep.

 

"Y/N?" you heard Dean whisper and wanted to respond but there was no sound escaping your mouth, your throat already thick with sleep. Instead you felt his lips pressed to your forehead for just a few seconds longer than usual and a "Good night, sunshine." filled the air, making you smile before you drifted off in Dean's strong hold.

 

•{<\------>}•

 

Dean was already awake when you opened your eyes in the morning. Something was different though. Normally you would wake up with his arms still wrapped around you, his face buried in your neck so you would feel him breathing steadily and he would greet you with a tired smile. Today he was laying on his back, eyes staring up at the ceiling as if he was thinking really hard. You turned to look at him.

 

"Morning..." you mumbled, yawning. He didn't really react, just blinked a little. A frown showed on your face. "Dean? You ok?" you placed your hand on his shoulder and he jumped a little from the contact.

 

"Uuuuh... yeah." he cleared his throat because his voice was coming out raspy. "Yeah, 'm fine." you didn't believe him one bit. He wasn't looking at you, wasn't acting like the Dean you knew.

 

"Ok... you sure?" all he did was get up from the bed.

 

"Look, Y/N... about what I said last night... I was tired and exhausted and wasn't feeling good... I just don't want you to think too much about it, yeah? I'm fine. Don't worry. I'm good at dealing with this stuff by myself and I don't need you to be some kind of anchor or something, alright? Just... I'll be fine." and he left the room. Uhm... what? You furrowed your eyebrows until there were crinkles showing on your forehead. What was that about? Yesterday he basically confessed to you that you were the only thing keeping a smile on his face and now he told you not to worry? You shook your head and got up yourself, leaving for your room. Deciding to take a quick shower before facing your best friend again, you grabbed a towel and disappeared in the bathroom.

In the shower, you let your thoughts run through your mind. You knew Dean. He was a soldier, a keeper, a protector. He didn't want you to worry. He couldn't have you worry. He was Dean Winchester. People didn't worry about him. He was strong and independent. He was a hunter and he didn't need anyone. At least that's what he thought. You knew him better though. And you knew he wanted to keep you safe and away from whatever it was that was haunting him at night. But you wouldn't let him. He was your best friend, through and through. You wouldn't let him push you away.

You sighed when you stepped out of the shower again. How did you get stuck with this stubborn ass called Dean Winchester? Oh right, he's saved your life more times than you could remember. Physically and emotionally. You made sure to remind yourself of that every day.

Once dressed and ready, you made your way to the kitchen where you already found Sam and Dean eating their usual breakfast cereal.

 

"I swear, I still don't get how the hell the two of you get full with that when you can eat 5 burgers just for dinner." you snickered, sitting down next to Dean. He just shrugged and continued to read the newspaper in his hands. You sighed and turned to Sam, smiling at him when he raised his eyebrows. "How did you sleep, Sammy?"

 

"Great! And you?" before you had the chance to answer, Dean stood up.

 

"Think I found something." he muttered, turning to walk out of the kitchen.

 

"Yeah? What is it?" Sam called after him but his brother was already out of earshot or just didn't feel the need to answer. Sam's eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you while you stood up and grabbed yourself a bowl. "Is he ok?"

 

"Yeah, well... I think? He had nightmares again so I spent the night in his bed and everything was fine but this morning he acted all weird and I don't know what's up with him." you told your best friend with a sigh. Sam and you could talk about everything and anything. There were no boundaries. You were glad you had him in your life.

 

"That's weird. Usually he's pretty contend after you spent the night together..." you swallowed the cereal in your mouth.

 

"Exactly what I thought... I don't know, maybe he's just got a bad day." Sam nodded at you but you could see that he was deep in thoughts. "Know what? I'm gonna go on a supply run because the fridge is nearing the empty and I don't wanna hear you guys whining around tomorrow." you laughed after finishing your breakfast and stood up.

 

"Want me to tack along with you?" the hunter asked but you shook your head, smiling at him.

 

"Nah, you go check that case out your brother was talking about. Even though I hope it's nothing because we all could use a day off... And when I get back the two of you better not be researching!" you pointed your finger at him and he chuckled.

 

"Noted." you winked and were about to disappear from the kitchen "Take the Impala! I'm sure Dean won't mind." you chuckled.

 

"I'd rather not. He's already in a bad mood. Everything's able to make him snap. And the supermarket isn't that far anyway. I can walk." Sam pressed his lips together but nodded.

 

"Yeah, you're probably right. I sometimes forget how well you actually know the guy..." he chuckled out and you felt a smile tug on your lips. On your way to your room you walked past the library and saw Dean sitting in a chair, his hands gliding over his face and a beer bottle next to the files he was checking. He looked so troubled. You frowned but continued walking. Dean actually didn't drink so much anymore. Especially not in the morning... Something must be really wrong today... Arriving in your room, you shook your head and grabbed a bag and some money. You hoped the little trip to the supermarket not far from here would take your mind off of him.

 

•{<\------>}•

 

It didn't. You couldn't stop thinking about what could've caused this. Dean didn't let people get close to him, you knew that, but he's never been so rejecting towards you. You, Sam and Cas were the people he went to with his problems and he knew that neither of you liked it when he pushed one of you away. He should know that you cared enough about him... right?

You groaned as you pushed open the bunkers door, part from the frustration you felt and part from the heavy bags you were carrying in your hands. A supply run for three people wasn't really the easiest, especially when two of the people were giants.

 

"Y/N? You need any help?" came from Sam and you gave a hopeful sound. He was up the stairs and had two of the three bags in his hands in an instant.

 

"Uff... Thanks..." you huffed out. "Should have taken the car." a laugh was heard and you glared at the younger Winchester. "Shut your face."

 

"I'm not saying anything!"

 

"You're laughing! That's enough!" he just chuckled more, making you roll your eyes as you entered the kitchen. "Alright, I think I got everything we need for the next week." you proudly stated, not wanting to have to go on another run in two days.

 

"Hey, what do we need all the eggs and flour for? We don't make pancakes or waffles that often."

 

"Those" you started and took the ingredients from him, putting them on the counter. "Are for pie. I planned on making some for Dean." you expected Sam to make a snarky remark, something like 'You're such a mom, stop spoiling him so much' or something, but there was nothing. You turned your head towards him and saw a frown on his face. Something happened. "What is it?"

 

"Y/N..."

 

"No, Sam. What?"

 

"Look I... He was drinking and I..."

 

"I know. I saw him... I'm worried." you sighed and sat down on the counter.

 

"Well, yeah. I kinda confronted him about it and asked him what was wrong. We started arguing and I asked him if it had something to do with the nightmares but he just got even angrier..."

 

•{<\------>}•

 

"Is it because of the nightmares? Dean, you know you can talk about that with any of us, right?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows and scolded at his brother.

 

"Nightma-... Y/N told you?" he angrily let out and Sam sighed.

 

"Dean... she was really confused this morning. She worries about you, ok?"

 

"Well, I don't need her to worry! She's not my babysitter or anything! I can take care of myself!"

 

"That's not-..."

 

"No, Sam! I'm fine! I know you guys think that I'm this huge fuck up! I know you think that I need help! That's what you think, right? About my drinking problem? The sleepless nights? Well, news flash Sammy, I don't need it!" he screamed and turned to walk out of the room.

 

"This isn't about us thinking that you can't help yourself, Dean. We know that you've done a kick ass job at keeping you and me alive over the years. I'm a perfect example for that. I was able to go to Stanford! We just want you to know that you're not alone in this. We care about you because we want to, not because we feel like we have to. Dean, why do you think Y/N wanders through the halls when she can't sleep?" There was silence for a while. The older hunter stood in the door with his eyes fixed on the ground, jaw set.

 

"What do you mean?" he then asked.

 

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed... She wants us safe, dude. Because she cares. Because we're her family. You're the one that taught me that you don't give up on family. No matter what. So please, Dean, believe me when I say that we just want you to trust us and tell us when you have a problem because we're here for you, man." Deans eyes were closed and he gulped before taking a deep breath. He turned around to face his brother, his lips pressed together.

 

"I just... It feels like..." he groaned, stomping towards a chair and sitting down. "I don't deserve her, Sam..."

 

"Who, Y/N?" said guy asked in disbelieve, eyebrows raised. Deans eyes moved from one spot to another, never focusing.

 

"She's just... She's this happy goofball on a terrible day. She sees the good in everything. Have you ever really seen her without a smile on her face? Even when she's gotten hurt, she still smiles through the pain. I told her yesterday that... that she's kinda the only thing keeping me together these days but... I can't put that on her, Sam. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves a life full of kindness, loyalty and happiness. We can't give that to her! Especially not me! I just can't put that on her shoulders..." Sam looked at his brother closely, studying his face. He'd always known he had a soft spot for Y/N. I mean, c'mon, why else would he let her live with them? But he didn't think his brother was so far gone for her.

 

"What if she wants you to?"

 

"Sam..."

 

"No, Dean. You like her, alright? Now don't go nuclear on me, you can't deny that. But think about it! Think about what Y/N would say to you right now if she was here in the room, hearing what you just said about you not deserving her." Dean shook his head, knowing exactly what she'd say... She thought he was a good man. 'One of the best I've ever met' she had once said, 'And trust me, dude, I've met a enough...' A small smile took over his lips. She was so cute... "She likes you too, man." he didn't want his heart beat to speed up at those words. Hell, he hated the hope that built itself inside of him. He wasn't good enough for her... She deserved better.

 

"One more reason for her to stay away..." he whispered and stood up.

 

"Dean..."

 

"I can't, Sammy. I can't..." and he left without another word.

 

•{<\------>}•

 

Sam finished talking. You shook your head, mentally asking yourself how the hunter could be so stubborn. A huff fell from your lips and you stood up.

 

"I'm gonna talk to him" Sam told you not to, that he probably wouldn't listen right now but you didn't care. You walked over to his room. The door was slightly ajar so you figured that it couldn't be that bad and opened it. Dean was on his bed. His eyes were closed and he had his headphones on, volume probably on highest. So there would be no talking... at least not for now.

You shrugged and walked over to the other side of the bed and laid down, your head falling on his stomach so you were staring up at the ceiling. He tensed up underneath you but you didn't care. You weren't going to keep your distance to him because of this. You weren't going to give up that easily.

It was silent for a long while, the two of you just laying there while you thought about how you could make him understand. His tensed body had relaxed after a while and you wanted nothing more than to cuddle up next to him but you wanted to talk, not cuddle and forget. Finally, he raised his hands and took his headphones off. You kept quiet for a few more moments before speaking up.

 

"Wanna know why I smile so much?" he didn't answer, as you had suspected, so you continued. "Because I've got people around me who can make me smile. I love it when Sam and you start bickering for no reason, about something that isn't even important. Your jokes are terrible but somehow, they can always make me smile. And I think you've noticed, that's why you tell them so often. Remember that one hunt where the werewolf fell on top of me after you had shot it but I fell right onto that stone and broke 2 ribs? It hurt so bad but you kept on making jokes about me being such a bottom and I couldn't help but laugh. I love it when you take me out on little road trips in Baby, with the classic rock on the radio. I've always dreamed of doing that when I was younger. Or when you helped me decorate my room. You had to 'accidentally' break the lamp that you hated so much, right?" you chuckled at the memory and sat up so you could look at him. His eyes were on yours, searching for any sign of anger or disappointment. But he couldn't find any because you weren't mad at him. "Do you get what I'm trying to say here? Dean, I wouldn't be smiling so much if it wasn't for you making me all the time. Of course, you have your moments where you lose your temper but, Dean, who doesn't? I'm not telling you to love yourself, trust me, I know how hard that is. Especially as a hunter. But I want you to accept the love that some people have for you because it exists. There are people who love you for exactly who you are. And it's ok to accept that. It's ok to let it break through some of the cracks in that wall of yours. Dean, you deserve something good in your life. I just want you to know that." you finished with a loving smile on your lips. Placing your hand on his cheek, you gave him a small kiss on the other. You could feel him leaning into your touch but you got up. "Now I'm gonna make us some pie. I got things for pecan and blueberry. No apples today because we've had those too many times already. Feels like the time is good for a little change." and with that you turned to him, giving him another sweet smile, and left the room.

Outside, you debated whether you should close his door or leave it open a crack but you decided on closing it, wanting to give him some privacy. You walked back to the kitchen and saw Sam making himself a smoothie.

 

"Hope you left me some blueberries for the pie." you joked as he turned around.

 

"Don't worry. Didn't touch them." he saw the smile on your face and raised his eyebrows. "I'm guessing it went well?" you shrugged your shoulders.

 

"Not sure yet." you just said. He was confused, you saw that. And you knew he was going to press so you shook your head at him, silently telling him that you wouldn't talk to him about it. He sighed and nodded. "You wanna help with the pies?"

 

"I really would but I've got this book that really wants to be finished..." he trailed off, making you chuckle. You knew exactly what he meant. You didn't like leaving a book unread either.

 

"Go ahead then, I'm not stopping you." Sam grinned at you.

 

"I'm gonna keep you company though. Just... don't talk too much." you zipped your mouth shut and he quickly disappeared to the library, only to come back a few seconds later with his book in hand.

You started on making the pies, pecan first. Sam and you talked a little throughout but you mostly left him to his book. You whistled some songs that came to your mind and sooner than you thought the first pie was in the oven. You had just started on putting the ingredients for the second one around you when you felt arms sneaking their way around your body, holding you tightly. Dean. A smile formed on your lips when he placed his head on your shoulder, face in your hair. He took deep breaths and you placed your hands over his, leaning into him. There were no words leaving either his or your lips. That was something you loved most about him. You could be silent around him. Actions spoke more than actual words. He stayed like this for a while, even when you started working again. You knew Sam was still in the room but you didn't care. He should be used to how affectionate the two of you were towards each other.

 

"Need some help?" Deans low voice asked after some time and you thought for a moment.

 

"You could wash the blueberries if you want." you then said, turning around the best you could in his strong hold around you to smile at him. He nodded, a small but cute smile on his lips and after a few more seconds he released his grip on you. You immediately missed the warmth radiating from his body and sighed, continuing on the pie. There was a bit of tension in the air which you really didn't like. You didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or anything. So when you caught him popping a blueberry into his mouth you playfully scolded at him. "Hey! Those are for the pie!" he looked at you, fake confusion showing on his face.

 

"What are you talking about?" you couldn't help but smirk and roll your eyes.

 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." a grin took over his face also and he shrugged.

 

"C'mon, you can't sacrifice a single blueberry for a hungry man?"

 

"Well, that particular one was meant to be put on top of the pie." you sighed, playing sad. He laughed and you felt that familiar fluttery feeling in your chest at the sound. You were glad you could make him laugh again.

The two of you worked around each other perfectly. It wasn't like you were making pie together for the first time anyway but it somehow always felt easier with Dean than with Sam. Not long after the blueberry pie was ready for the oven, a ping went off, signaling you to check on the pecan one. Dean opened the oven and moaned slightly at the smell.

 

"Y/N this smells amazing." he let out and you grinned proudly.

 

"These words leaving the lips of the most critic pie lover on this planet warms my heart. Thank you, kind Mister." again, there was this cute smile that he only spared for you on his face. He quickly got the thing out of the oven and put the other one back in, closing it and turning his body towards you. You opened your arms for him to crash you into a hug when he started to walk closer and he did, his warmth spreading through you in seconds. You were so lost in his touch that it took you a moment to realize that his face wasn't pressed into your neck like it usually was. He had pressed his forehead against yours, his nose touching your own while his heavy breath fanned over your lips. His eyes were closed and yours did the same as you couldn't help the shiver running through your body. He didn't move any closer though, as if he was waiting for you to give him some sign of acceptance. The thought made you smile slightly and you didn't think your heartbeat could speed up any faster. Your nose rubbed against his as if you'd been in this position many times before.

 

"Y/N..." he whispered, already out of breath. That was everything you needed to hear and you finally met his lips with your own, your brows furrowing at the contact. Your heart felt like it was flying in your chest as your hands found their way into his hair, you raised to your tiptoes to be even closer to him. God, you've never thought you'd ever feel so light. You felt him gasp for air against your lips but he never broke the kiss, longing to feel you as close to him as possible as he pressed your body firmly against his, needing you to know how he felt. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you felt dizzy. This was almost too much.

It was the ding of the oven that made you separate from each other, only in the slightest though. His forehead was still against yours and you felt the breathless puffs of air leaving his lips. You could only make out the sounds of the oven being opened, probably by Sam, but that was just background noise. All you could focus on was Dean. After a while that felt like hours, you blinked your eyes open. Your grip on him tightened as you took in the sight in front of you. Deans eyes were still closed but you could still see the disbelieve coating his face and the most beautiful smile you've ever seen on him covering his slightly swollen lips. His eyes were practically squeezed together and there were crinkles on his forehead, as if he was afraid he was dreaming and you'd be gone if he opened them. You couldn't describe how you were feeling, didn't have a word for the funny tingles running through your blood. Nothing except for love. Before you could stop yourself, you placed a feathery light kiss on his lips and when you pulled away slightly, his eyes fluttered open, searching yours. A surprised little gasp escaped your mouth when you realized that there were no walls. The walls that he'd put up for himself were just... gone. You could see every small emotion in his eyes right there. Most of them you couldn't even name but you knew you felt the same.

It took some long minutes for both of your breaths to slow down again, your hearts never loosing on speed. But as the seconds ticked by, Deans expression changed more and more into fear.

 

"Y/N... I..." he stammered out and tried to take a step back but you shook your head.

 

"Shhh..." you whispered. "I know you're scared. I know you think you don't deserve me. Even though I don't see how you can think that way but... you know who has an even bigger say in whether you deserve to be with me or not? I do. And I can't imagine being with anyone else than with you, Dean. You've earned your way into my heart and I'm not letting you out of there again." you heard him whimper slightly as your lips pressed against his again, his grip tightening if that was possible. Silence took over the kitchen and you enjoyed the feelings, placing your head on his chest.

 

"Are you sure about this?" he suddenly quietly asked, still sounding so unsure about himself. "You're going to become an even bigger target for the things out there... Y/N, I can't have you hurt... I couldn't..." he choked out, eyes searching something to focus on as they always did when he didn't know what to do. You helped him and placed your hand on his cheek so he would look into your eyes again.

 

"Hey..." you said with a loving smile on your lips. "I've always been a target. We've always been close. They've always used us against each other. Dean, this won't change much in their point of view, they'll probably just try to find more ways to piss us off." you chuckled a little and felt your heart leap when he smiled. "But it will change our lives. And honestly? I've never been more certain about anything else in my life. I want this, I want you. And I hope you're willing to give this a chance, too." there was a tear rolling down from his eye but before you could wipe it away with your thumb, his lips were desperately searching yours again. You sighed happily and smiled into the kiss, feeling his lips twitch up, too. You were just happy that he was hugging you so tightly to himself because otherwise you would probably slip away from him, your legs weak from the happiness you were feeling. Dean was still insecure about this, about starting an actual relationship, with his best friend that he's known since they were kids playing on a playground. He was scared about messing this up, about doing something wrong or hurting you in any way. But you knew that. And with his lips pressed against yours you made it your mission to make him forget about this insecurity. You knew he was going to try to make you as happy as he could, to be the best boyfriend he could be to you. And even if he'd screw some things up eventually... He was Dean, he was the best friend you could ever ask for and he was yours now. You'd never leave him. You'd make sure he felt as loved and respected as he deserved to be.

 

"This is crazy..." you heard him whisper with his forehead pressed against yours, a light chuckle leaving his lips. You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowing a little. "You make me feel... you make me feel all these things that I've never... literally never felt towards anyone before. I just... I don't understand how. I mean... I never thought I was ever going to experience this, not... me. No one has ever been able to make me feel so good, so accepted and loved... It actually scares me. Hell, I'm terrified. But... knowing that you feel the same makes it more than worth it..." he breathed out and smiled at you, pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

 

"It better 'cause you're stuck with me, Mister. Like it or not." you winked and he laughed, throwing his head back a little.

 

"I think I've got no problem with that." Dean grinned. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you stood up on your tiptoes so your noses were touching.

 

"I'm so in love with you, you hero. I hope you know that now."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!! :)


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